Amber Steady had no idea that while nursing her newborn, she had breast cancer. And when she did find out, the cancer diagnosis arrived not through a compassionate phone call, but through MyChart. 

She was just 31.

The young Waterford part-time remote worker and stay-at-home mom who married her childhood sweetheart, Joe, enjoys gardening, writing, reading - especially fantasy books, folklore and fairy tales - playing video games and lately has begun to sew. 

Amber got pregnant in 2022, had a beautiful baby boy in 2023 and breastfed him until January 2024. Prone to having cysts in her dense breasts, in 2011 she had a lump removed from her left breast, which she affectionately calls ‘Leftie.’ In 2013, another benign cyst, this time in ‘Rightie.’ A few years later, in 2017, another in ‘Leftie’ cyst, right on the bra line. 

“I watched it for a couple of years, and nothing changed, so we didn't do anything. Then the pandemic hit. Push-up bras became a thing of the past, and the cyst didn’t bother me unless squished by that band and lifted.”

When her son Teddy was born, she breastfed him. And noticed that, though not uncommon for women, “‘Leftie’ didn't make much milk, but that can happen, so I didn't think anything of it.”

When she stopped breastfeeding in January 2024, she “began to notice the hard lump.”

“I thought it could have been a clogged milk duct, but I had no other symptoms. I also couldn't remember it being that large, as it had been so long, and my body had been through so much.”

Amber’s primary care doctor made an ultrasound referral, and during that procedure, four tumors and calcifications were found. Directly after, she was sent for a mammogram and was told to return the following week for biopsies.

Three days later, her cancer diagnosis was confirmed, but her phone did not ring.  

A MyChart notification popped up.

Overwhelmed, terrified, and angry

“I found out via MyChart on March 22, 2024 at 7:30 a.m. I was overwhelmed, terrified, and angry. I spent all of that day off and on crying. I had lost my mom to cancer four years before, and lost a good amount of family due to cancer and other medical issues. Our family has been through the ringer enough as it is, but this on top of it all? I couldn't stop crying. I kept seeing my son, who was eight months old at the time, and every time that I imagined how I wouldn’t be around for him growing up, tears erupted.”

She phoned her husband, who raced home from his job at Waterford schools. 

“Later on that day, I was in the Smilow Cancer Center in Waterford to meet my oncologist and make a plan. Pulling up to the building made me cry. Waiting in the waiting room made me cry. Other than just being diagnosed, I was triggered because the last time I was there was with my mom, and I was her caregiver.” Her mother, who had vaginal cancer, passed in 2020. 

Amber was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer in her left breast, HER2-positive and ER/PR-negative. Her worried family wrapped their collective arms around her.

“My family was very upset. They rallied around me, though, asking what they could do to help. And I relied very heavily on them. We cried, we laughed a bit because I make awful jokes when things are bad. The phone calls I had to make were long and exhaustive as I had to explain the diagnosis and the plans without knowing the for-real plan.”

The for-real plan

Amber would have a double mastectomy. But first, port placement, and six rounds of chemotherapy for six weeks. She got a Phesgo injection every three weeks from April 2024 until March 2025. She received Zoladex injections every four weeks until January 2025, and then did the three-month injections. 

On September 16, 2024, she had a double mastectomy with reconstruction followed by months of expanders. Next came the radiation, 25 rounds specifically targeted at the left breast from December 2024 to January 2025. This meant that the right expander had to be deflated due to the lasers, and the left one inflated extra because of contractions. The right expander was re-inflated after radiation was done. “Now I wait for August to do the switch to implants,” she said.

She had side effects, some tolerable, some terrible. And some treatment-related aggravations. 

“Some annoyances were losing all of my hair. I had a long, thick curly head of hair, but by the beginning of May, huge chunks of it were falling out. We had a head-shaving party, so I wouldn't watch it go. It is slowly growing back in now, though.”

This August, the expanders will be switched out for silicone implants. And she’ll soon meet with her doctor to go over survivorship. 

“I am still on some meds due to the side effects, like Gabapentin for neuropathy and hot flashes, Veozah for hot flashes and Pantoprazole for heartburn. I am also seeing a therapist to talk about the trauma that was this crazy adventure.”

A silver lining emerges. 

“Then, I found out the pathology from my double mastectomy showed that the cancer was completely gone, and did not go into the four lymph nodes they tested,” Amber said. “So we are saying I am cancer free!”

While she praises her care team, Dr. Anka Bulgaru, medical oncologist, Dr. Moran, radiation oncologist, Dr. Christy Stannat, breast surgeon, and Dr. Vinod Pathy, plastic surgeon, her support system has carried her through.

More like a city than a village

“I realized that during this insane time of my life, I have more like a city than a village. Though I do have more of what I call an inner circle, those who I am very close to, and I created a group chat to keep them all updated.”

Her “rock” was her husband, Joe. 

“Not only did he hold me all the times I cried, but he also picked up takeout and snacks, and let me get boba tea in Mystic Village whenever I wanted. He went with me to a lot of appointments, especially in the beginning. He took notes, helped me come up with questions, and remembered to ask them. His memory was also way better than mine, so he was vital in those appointments.”

Amber’s parents-in-law, Susie and Brian, were also a bastion for her: “They did so much to help us. So much.”

”They would babysit Teddy and keep him overnight. They cooked, got takeout, headed meal trains during my treatment and after my surgery, helped with yard work, bought gifts, scheduled dinners and vacations for our family, and went with me to doctor appointments.” 

Amber’s sister-in-law, Tracey, headed a sign-up for post-surgery help: “There were Teddy-sitters and Amber-sitters,” Amber said. “She also took time away from her home and job to help for six weeks.” 

And her closest friends and family took turns being with her during chemo appointments.

Meanwhile, for spirit-lifting support, family members mailed her fun gifts, like “fuzzy socks with grippies on the bottom with fun phrases like “_____ cancer,” and “These are my fight socks, take back my life socks,” along with fun snacks, spa day supplies, hats, shirts, and coloring books.”

And then there were her friends who often visited and banded together to create “helpful gift bags with hats, zip-up hoodies, snacks, and notebooks. I also got a lot of check-in texts and phone calls. I also grew closer to some of my neighbors, one of whom shared her own story of fighting breast cancer from 20 or so years ago.” 

Her husband, Joe, is an assistant coach for the Waterford girls tennis team. Team members, their families and other staff showed their support for her and her family by helping with meals through the meal train.

Amber also took to the Internet to find a safe space for her to meet women going through what she’d been dealing with, and she found the “awesome” Young Survivors Coalition, where women meet to ask others for advice or share their breast cancer journey stories. It’s been helpful to share, and learn, and commiserate with women going through breast cancer treatment. 

“A lot of the people have been so helpful with side effect advice,” she said. 

Then, nearing the end of her treatment, she began to see a therapist who specializes in cancer patients. “She is wonderful.” 

With all the support she received, she offered some advice for those family and friends who may be called upon one day to help their loved one through.

“My advice for anyone who wants to show their support to any person going through something like this is to actively show up. Say, ‘I want to help you by picking up your groceries,’ or ask, ‘What day would be best for me to visit and help with anything around your house?’ That takes a lot of pressure off the fighter/patient,” she explained. Folks often say, ‘What can I do to help?’ Amber suggests offering help and naming it, be it household stuff or simply errands. “I had people like my mother-in-law and sister-in-law who set up things for people to do that.” And for those who cannot take time off work or out of their busy lives, Amber said, “A simple text, private message or phone call to just check in does absolute wonders for patients/fighters to feel supported. Those texts and calls of care and support mattered. A lot.”

She fought that monster and survived

Amber was asked if having breast cancer changed the way she looks at the world, at her life. 

“I think my worldview hasn't changed due to cancer. I think I just stepped more into being myself and being unapologetic about it. I’ve learned who my people are -- who supports me and my little family, and how amazing our community truly is,” she shared.. 

She absolutely sees herself as a fighter and a survivor. 

“I do see myself that way, and that’s not just because I own t-shirts with those names on it. I wanted to live. I want to watch my son grow up and be around to help any other friends and family, and people in need. It also helped to call myself a fighter or warrior as a lover of all things fantasy because I could see myself as a main character in a book, or as my Dungeons and Dragons character who wield battle-axes and defeats bad guys.” 

For Amber, cancer was an “absolutely traumatic experience, even when you come out of it with amazing pathology.”

“I fought that monster and survived,” she said. “The way I see my future is spending a lot of time with friends and family, finishing writing the books I have planned out, growing food in my yard, reading a lot of books, and sharing my story and advice to any other young survivor that wants to listen, or read.” 

To that end, the 32-year-old mom and breast cancer survivor has been sharing her journey on TikTok (@ajsteady) and Instagram (@aj_steady) and will be uploading some videos to YouTube (@Ajsteady14) as well. A book is slowly also coming together.

She has a lot going on!

And, for the first time, this October, Amber will do the TBBCF Walk for a Cure. Last year, her mother-in-law walked in Amber’s honor. 

“This year, we’ll make a team!”