‘We were all on sinking ships, but rescued in one lifeboat.’

By ELLYN SANTIAGO

For nearly 25 years, a group of random women of all ages from across the region, from different professions and backgrounds and different interests, meet up for dinner seven or eight times a year. What they share in common is a breast cancer diagnosis and the determination to keep the disease at bay. They meet at restaurants mostly along the shoreline and up to Norwich where they share their breast cancer survivor struggles and an unwavering desire to live life to the fullest. If you’re out and about and see a table of 12, many wearing pink and having a merry-old time, stop by and say hello.

 Here are some of the stories of the “Pink Ladies”, July’s TBBCF Survivors.

 

In 2003, a year after Kathleen Edgecomb was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation, she was invited to dine with a group of breast cancer survivors.

“They were lovely, kind, smart, funny, and welcoming women -- a college professor, librarian, social worker, banker, and other professions were represented,” the longtime journalist and former TBBCF feature writer recalled. “I wanted nothing to do with them. I didn't want to sit around and relive my treatment, or anyone else's.”

Unfazed, the survivor group kept inviting her back.

“Every couple of months they asked me to dinner, so eventually I joined them again,” Kathleen shared. “I didn't know what I was missing until I got to know this group of dynamic women from all different backgrounds who stared down death, came back from the brink, and found support from strangers and eventually a deep affection for one another.”

A gifted writer, Kathleen described the breast cancer survivors of the Pink Ladies this way: “We were all on sinking ships, but rescued in one lifeboat.”

Nancy McDonough, who will be featured in the TBBCF Survivor Series in the fall, had just lost her husband months before her breast cancer diagnosis in 1999.  “I felt very alone,” Nancy said. “All of my children were married. I was scared to death by everything they told me about what my treatment would be.”

Like Kathleen, she underwent a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation. “Frightened by it all” and feeling like she was “living in a world apart from everyone else,” she one day got a call that would later help heal some of that aloneness. A former neighbor shared that she too had been diagnosed with breast cancer and invited Nancy to join an exercise class for women with breast cancer at L+M Hospital called Making the Right Moves. The class had five women, three of whom “had no hair and wore wigs or turbans,” Nancy recalled. “After the first meeting, I left feeling that I had rejoined the real world.”

In the beginning, the group was Nancy, May Brooks, Fran Hubbard, Kathy Pennella, and Camille Hanson.

“Sometimes we did chair exercises, but we also did Zumba. Laughing until tears because we’d be bumping into each other, our turbans falling off as we tried to figure out the moves,” Nancy remembered. “It was the best medicine ever. We laughed, but we also shared our fears and worries.”

One of just a very few of the original members left, Nancy described the group as having a “very positive vibe to it”

“Never negative,” she said. “Needless to say, we became friends and cared deeply about each other.”

Now 77, Elaine Grant was diagnosed with breast cancer on the 29th day of December 1999. In 2000, she joined the Making the Right Moves class. There she found support, friends and camaraderie. But by the end of 2001, grant funding that had supported the class would be earmarked for another cancer program.

“We were devastated. It was a blow to the women. I know how I felt. We had all become friends. I didn’t want to lose that,” Elaine said. In 2002, L+M held a breast cancer survivor event and some of the group, now numbering eight, attended.

“We started talking and decided we should go to dinner once in a while, all of us, so we wouldn’t lose track of each other,” Elaine recalled.

From that point forward, every six weeks, the women would meet, share a meal and talk, commiserate and laugh. “By now, there were 12 of us,” she said.

“We’re all friends, but our link is survivorship and being part of the Pink Ladies. I’d be lost without them. I love these ladies. They were all helpful when I was first diagnosed. I was devastated,” she shared. Elaine’s mother lost her own battle with breast cancer. “When I first went to the exercise group, I cried because I had to be there, but that changed. We laughed. We had fun, and we still do. We don’t invite anyone who’s going to be, ‘Poor me, I have breast cancer.' We invite people who would have a good time -- laugh and enjoy each other.”

The group that began in 1999 is in its 25th year. Elaine cannot recall the exact year, but at “some point we decided we needed a name, something to call ourselves.”

The moniker Pink Ladies fit nicely.

So every couple of months for more than two decades, as Kathleen described, “It’s been dinners at local restaurants, potlucks, Christmas parties, and occasional theatrical adventures.”

“There are weddings and funerals. There are cards and get-well baskets and prepared meals when needed. We share joy and fear; cancer-free anniversaries and reoccurrences,” she said. “But what this group shows me, more than anything else, is the joy of living.”

Taking cruises, bike riding, paddleboarding, kayaking, knitting, and needlepoint. Some get married. Some relocate to be closer to family.

“We work, we retire, we have grandchildren. And we laugh. A lot. Sometimes, about the crazy medical hoops we jump through to stay ahead of our cancers. We talk about families, pets, backyard birds, vacations, travel, food, the weather, exercise, decorating tips, craft ideas and recipes. Sometimes, if there is a really good discussion going on with lots of laughing, we have people at adjoining tables ask if they can join our group. We tell them they probably don't want to.”

After being diagnosed with Stage 1 invasive breast cancer in October 2009, Patricia Haney’s doctor recommended she contact the Terri Brodeur Breast Cancer Foundation.

“While my family and friends were very supportive, I still felt alone. But TBBCF connected me with ladies who had been through it. The first person to call me was Marie Joly, a Pink Ladies member. (Read Marie’s Survivor Story here). For Patricia, Marie’s “kindness and wisdom” meant a lot.

But as Marie explained, “As survivors, we all know firsthand the impact a cancer diagnosis has on our lives and the ones we love. The Pink Ladies choose to celebrate each other and life while supporting one another as we encounter new or old concerns.”

Patricia had her surgery in January 2010. Late that spring, Marie invited her to join a Pink Ladies dinner.

“I had never met any of them before, but they were warm and friendly from the very first moment I arrived,” she said. “It’s a good group, and we are upbeat and happy and like to have fun.”

In January 2012, Heike Holley was diagnosed with breast cancer.

“It was a difficult year,” she said. “The diagnosis in January was followed by a whirlwind of tests and appointments, then came surgery, a mastectomy, and reconstruction. My cancer was deemed aggressive, so a summer of chemo followed.”

In October, she was asked to join the Pink Ladies.

“I had conversations with a couple of the ladies during treatment, which helped me get through rough patches, but joining the group for monthly dinners was a comfort and a blessing. They got me through the aftermath of returning to normal life, and dealing with the fear that came with each subsequent mammogram and ultrasound,” Heike said.

She described the group as a “great example of enjoying life, friends, and family” and the place where she “learned to continue to embrace the good in life and to learn new things.” Indeed, she said, she recently took up paddleboarding and pickleball.

“Twelve years later, I still look forward to each dinner and catching up with everyone,” she said. “Breast cancer brought us together, but it is not who we are. Some have had recurrences, so it is a subject of discussion. But most conversations are about the other things going on in our busy lives.”

For nearly a quarter of a century, though, the numbers in the group have fluctuated, and tragically, some have passed away, but the Pink Ladies have lifted and held each other.

“The Pink Ladies is a group you don't ever want to volunteer for,” Kathleen said. “But if life tosses you a big, fat, scary breast cancer diagnosis, find yourself a tribe of survivors that will inspire you, give you support, share their cancer journey, and of course, make you laugh.”

The Pink Ladies are: Nancy McDonough, Elaine Grant, Kathleen Edgecomb, Marie Joly, Heike Holley, Karen Joly, Mary Dehne, Diane Pezzoles, Peg Snow-Madura, Kathy Pennella, Patricia Haney and Peggy Pellett-Jones.